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Are You Scaring Him Away?

Why is it so hard to find the right guy? Why do they all seem to turn out badly? Perhaps you’re scaring them away. Check out these potential scare-inducers, and see if they apply to you.
Crush.com on April 2, 2014 - 8:26 pm in Dating Tips, Relationship Advice

Dating can be confusing, awkward, and downright awful.  One guy you’re really into decides you belong in his friend zone instead, so you wind up drinking beer together, but that’s about it.  Then you think you’ve got something going with the next guy, and he shows up at a party with a different girl.  Ouch!

 Why is it so hard to find the right guy?  Why do they all seem to turn out badly?  Perhaps you’re scaring them away.  Check out these potential scare-inducers, and see if they apply to you.


1. You're A Smarty-Pants

This should be an advantage in life, right?   It probably is for your career and financial situation, but it’s not always a positive when it comes to dating.  The thing is that some men are intimidated by a woman who’s smarter than they are.  Guys like to show off their knowledge and feel like you think they are super smart , and if you know more than he does, how's he going to do that?  Men are also turned off if they feel like their partner is competing with them. So what to do if you’re one of the brainy types?  Playing dumb is a shame, and probably attracts the wrong type. So maintain your intelligence but don’t be pretentious or put him down. Let him have a few shining moments for a change.   Once you find a smart guy who’s comfortable with his own intelligence and yours the two of you can have wonderful conversations late into the night.


2. You're Trying Too Hard

Face it - a lot of guys are still playing the field.  They want to keep things casual and the thought of making a serious commitment can have them running for the hills.  If you start talking about relationships (or heaven forbid, marriage), they’ll back away and start looking elsewhere for a scene with less pressure. Even if he is looking to settle down he may feel like you are looking to be with anyone for the sake of having a relationship rather than him uniquely. Some women play the game, hiding what they’re really after, while others like to be up front and honest.

If you are looking for serious commitment you should still let a guy know that that is where you are headed but you don’t need to go on and on about it. There are many men out there who are looking for more commitment so spend time with them rather than someone who has made it clear that he is still hitting up the buffet. Its only fair to everyone involved. 


3.  You're Fanatic About Sports 

You’d think guys would like this - a woman who can speak knowledgeably about sports, and who yells at the refs over the same blown calls.  You’d think they’d like a woman who enjoys watching football games every weekend.  Odd as it seems, though, some guys are scared of sports-loving women.  They think of sports as a man’s domain, like a boys club where girls are supposed to cheerlead from the sidelines. You could be coming across as masculine and slide into the friend-zone as he looks for a more feminine match. 


4.  You’re Sarcastic 

Maybe this is how you act when you’re nervous, or perhaps you’ve developed a great comic ability based on sarcastic humor. The fact is that sarcasm can come across as negative or even nasty.  Guys  can be afraid that you’ll level a bit of that their way sometimes and hurt them, even if you’re totally avoiding that.  Ease up on the sarcasm, and you may find they stick around longer. Its hard to build intimacy if your always being ironic and they are unsure of how to take you.


5. You’re Confident

Men always say they like a confident woman, and to a certain extent, that’s probably true.  But they also like to play the hero, taking care of the damsel in distress.  “Honey, let me open that jar of pickles for you.”  When you’re strong and confident, he doesn’t get to play the strong, macho man much. You need to strike a balance. You don’t want to turn into a shrinking violet, but let him be your hero every now and then, too.


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